I have not revisited this chat in the better part of a month. My life has been in a crazy place and I have found myself at a lack for words. That in itself is a miracle. I do not promise that I willl post here often for the next couple of months. It would be lovely if those of you who do view this blog check back once in awhile. I tend to run in dashes and sudden stops when it comes to writing. I know I stated well back in this blog that I am writing for writing's sake but I did feel some comfort in those of you who were reading my posts and also a responsibility to write something for that reason. In truth that may be the main reason I fell away as I did this past month. My nature is perverse when faced with the option of being noticed as opposed to out of sight. I proclaim that I do not care a fig if anyone reads what I am writing when an absolute fool would know that can't be all true else why write at all. On the flip side, the idea of being visible and the process of feeling a responsibility to write so as not to disappoint or to lose those viewing brings me slowly to a complete halt. I, in an inexplicable way, avoid the writing day after day for a reason I cannot define. It is my version of the "come here, go away" personality trait. Dancing with others in my mind while writing followed by a distinct distaste for dancing or the company of others is a micrcosm of my natural bent in daily life. Yes, I am glad to see you. Yes, what a lovely time. No, I won't be staying. No, i won't be back for quite some time. As time passes the cycle begins again with the craving to mingle and share myself with others increasing in intensity while, simultaneously, the need to get away begins to build in me.
Just as the dance begins I begin to plan my escape. And so it is with my writing here. I will be back, could be tomorrow, could be next month. The one truth is that I shall be back and with the typing of the first word I shall also be leaving again.
