It is Sunday around noon. Normally I would be leaving church about now. My grandson has strep throat so we are home. Doing very little...IPAD....LAPTOP...sleeping, falling asleep. I personally have been on the verge of falling asleep since we returned from the urgent care last night. I have finally gotten up and am in a semi-state of wakefulness. I feel as if I have been drugged. Last night I basically fell onto my bed and slept. Woke up two hours later, took night meds, fell onto the bed again and slept. Woke up at 6 a.m. for a short time with no sense of anything other than a compelling urge to sleep more. At this moment I am on the edge of sleep but trying to be awake to do something around this place. Couldn't text...kept falling asleep. Took me forever to get a text off to my pastor. Fell asleep multiple times.
I have periodic times when my body, especially lower back and legs are in absolute turmoil. My body seems to have gone to war with itself. I am uncomfortable day and night for 3 to 4 days. I bet if I had been paying attention I would find that this absolute exhaustion follows one of those episodes.
Doctors have not made a diagnosis. They give me medication for restless legs but that has no power when an episode hits and fully engages me. My thinking goes fuzzy, I am clumsy, my muscles pull in my feet and my back aches across the lower part. Then it goes away. So weird.
Meanwhile my wonderful grandson is playing music on the ipad and recovering from strep throat and hubby is zonked out in bed. The cats are languishing in various hiding places. No energy here. No smarts to access.
Can't find the thermometer. Can't find triple A batteries. Can't find my arse with both my hands. I am drifting through the day. The entire household is drifting through. If the trailer were moving it would be floating along a few feet off the ground fueled by a serious lack of ambition.
Is this what they call a "lazy sunday"? If my name were Susan I could be a "lazy Susan"! Irrelevelant. So irrelevant.
Hope you are having a lovely Sunday and that you can find your way out of a paperback.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
Untitled
Untitled as a post title is ridiculous. The moment I keyed it in I realized that Untitled is the title.
Sunday night. I am sitting in my living room with my grandson, my granddaughter a couple of cats and I am as relaxed as I am able to get these days. We are all on an IPAD or laptop. My granddaughter is, in truth, my step-granddaughter. She is 18 years old and she is autistic. She is wonderful and she is absorbed in a world of anime on her IPAD. I am learning to communicate with her in what I hope is a comfortable level for her. She rocks back and forth talking gently to herself and watching anime characters. When she talks to me about it I am fascinated at the intricacy of her anime world. The characters, their names, their family historys and what is to come in the future of that world absorb her.
My grandson is sitting in a rocking chair with my IPAD playing Minecraft...
Monday night. Danielle spent two nights with us. I am certain it has everything to do with internet service. She spends an entire day with her ipad and her anime friends. It is the first time I have spent any time with a young person who is autistic. I did some reading and understand that Danielle responds in true statements with very little fluff, if any, involved. I find that intensely refreshing. The answer is either yes or no, like or dislike. Today she spent the entire day in my room absorbed completely in her own world. Tonight she had to go home as I will not be here much of tomorrow. There is, currently, no internet at her home so she was completely unhappy. I promised to pick her up tomorrow when I get off work and bring her here. I am not sure if she understood that concept fully. I believe her thoughts are rather in the moment and future promises have no true value. What a privilege God is giving me to learn how to communicate with someone who thinks completely different from my way of thinking and what a privilege to have the opportunity to relieve her distress by providing something as simple as wi-fi. After brief reading I accept that our relationship is based almost entirely on the practical need for wi-fi. It suits me just fine. One more person God has placed in my life for me to love and to have love me in her unique and honest way.
Yay, God!
Sunday night. I am sitting in my living room with my grandson, my granddaughter a couple of cats and I am as relaxed as I am able to get these days. We are all on an IPAD or laptop. My granddaughter is, in truth, my step-granddaughter. She is 18 years old and she is autistic. She is wonderful and she is absorbed in a world of anime on her IPAD. I am learning to communicate with her in what I hope is a comfortable level for her. She rocks back and forth talking gently to herself and watching anime characters. When she talks to me about it I am fascinated at the intricacy of her anime world. The characters, their names, their family historys and what is to come in the future of that world absorb her.
My grandson is sitting in a rocking chair with my IPAD playing Minecraft...
Monday night. Danielle spent two nights with us. I am certain it has everything to do with internet service. She spends an entire day with her ipad and her anime friends. It is the first time I have spent any time with a young person who is autistic. I did some reading and understand that Danielle responds in true statements with very little fluff, if any, involved. I find that intensely refreshing. The answer is either yes or no, like or dislike. Today she spent the entire day in my room absorbed completely in her own world. Tonight she had to go home as I will not be here much of tomorrow. There is, currently, no internet at her home so she was completely unhappy. I promised to pick her up tomorrow when I get off work and bring her here. I am not sure if she understood that concept fully. I believe her thoughts are rather in the moment and future promises have no true value. What a privilege God is giving me to learn how to communicate with someone who thinks completely different from my way of thinking and what a privilege to have the opportunity to relieve her distress by providing something as simple as wi-fi. After brief reading I accept that our relationship is based almost entirely on the practical need for wi-fi. It suits me just fine. One more person God has placed in my life for me to love and to have love me in her unique and honest way.
Yay, God!
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Just wondering...
I'm not sure if I am making a difference or if I am running at full speed from a truth I cannot accept! When I was young, fifteen or so, I would lock my room door at night, check the closet over and over for someone or something waiting to get me when I slept. I checked under the bed over and over looking for a hand that would touch my leg when I slept. Many nights I stayed awake till almost dawn listening to soul music from far off Indiana or 45's spinning on the record player. I held something or someone at bay then. I wonder if I'm doing that now? I wonder If I am making a difference or if I am running from a truth I cannot accept.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Please Don't Scold!
I know that I am well past my bedtime. I am closer to my getting up time than my going to bed time. I meant to go to bed since about 2:00 p.m. today. A silly thought given my plans for the remainder of the day.
My daughter, who lives in Virginia, was asked to show two of her photographs at an art store on the waterfront in our town. It was an exhibition titled, "The Soul of A Woman". She won an honorable mention on her first time entering an exhibition. I am bragging so I am going to repeat that she was "asked". It was in the local paper so I am bragging and telling the truth at the same time. What an odd sensation!
I took my son and his family with me. At some point tonight I realized that I had been in a location with both my son and daughter at the same time. It has been a long, long time since I remember our schedules blending. How sweet a moment for me!
Great time! Laughs! Appreciation of art bringing with it a craving in me to create. All of this lovely time together alongside the fears of my son's family needing to find a place to live in a week. Their car broke down this week and neither my son or his wife have a job. Actually, my son has a job starting next week paying him the average pay for our pay stricken area. Tonight showed that beauty, family, evening air along the water and the company of people we would never meet otherwise can co-exist with the gut level concerns of finding a home within a week, starting a new job that same week and getting a car repaired that same week. For a while we lost ourselves enjoying Lynne's success. viewing the work of other artists, laughing together, talking and talking and interacting with the other artists. Very groovy.
My granddaughter and I also volunteered at the adopt-a-thon for cats today. Why it was held under a canopy in a grassy field on a day when the heat and humidity had animals and humans panting and drinking downing fluids is beyond my comprehension. Not to mention a large colony of red ants who resented the intrusion of the people volunteering to show the shelter dogs. Again, we were happy volunteering and playing with the cats while being hot and a bit miserable. Again the reminder that joy and discomfort can, and often do, co-exist with one another.
Perhaps the Apostle Paul had this in mind when he admonished us to rejoice in all things. Certainly today's discomforts did not, under any circumstance, emulate the challenges met by Paul but, as a micro example, they work well.
Going to bed now. Later.
My daughter, who lives in Virginia, was asked to show two of her photographs at an art store on the waterfront in our town. It was an exhibition titled, "The Soul of A Woman". She won an honorable mention on her first time entering an exhibition. I am bragging so I am going to repeat that she was "asked". It was in the local paper so I am bragging and telling the truth at the same time. What an odd sensation!
I took my son and his family with me. At some point tonight I realized that I had been in a location with both my son and daughter at the same time. It has been a long, long time since I remember our schedules blending. How sweet a moment for me!
Great time! Laughs! Appreciation of art bringing with it a craving in me to create. All of this lovely time together alongside the fears of my son's family needing to find a place to live in a week. Their car broke down this week and neither my son or his wife have a job. Actually, my son has a job starting next week paying him the average pay for our pay stricken area. Tonight showed that beauty, family, evening air along the water and the company of people we would never meet otherwise can co-exist with the gut level concerns of finding a home within a week, starting a new job that same week and getting a car repaired that same week. For a while we lost ourselves enjoying Lynne's success. viewing the work of other artists, laughing together, talking and talking and interacting with the other artists. Very groovy.
My granddaughter and I also volunteered at the adopt-a-thon for cats today. Why it was held under a canopy in a grassy field on a day when the heat and humidity had animals and humans panting and drinking downing fluids is beyond my comprehension. Not to mention a large colony of red ants who resented the intrusion of the people volunteering to show the shelter dogs. Again, we were happy volunteering and playing with the cats while being hot and a bit miserable. Again the reminder that joy and discomfort can, and often do, co-exist with one another.
Perhaps the Apostle Paul had this in mind when he admonished us to rejoice in all things. Certainly today's discomforts did not, under any circumstance, emulate the challenges met by Paul but, as a micro example, they work well.
Going to bed now. Later.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Waiting for the clothes to Wash
I will let you in on a little secret. I am motivated to write at this very moment. I have purpose and a set amount of time that I must fill with writing. My motivation stems from a basic need, an understanding that this is the perfect time to put fingers to the keyboard composing myself and my imaginings into words on a screen. So much for pen to paper though there is much to be said for the intimacy of handwriting out sentences, page after page.
My purpose, my motivation for writing at this very moment hinge on one thing. I am waiting for the clothes to finish washing. Yep! There is a deep wisdom to ponder in that motivation. Creativity birthed out of a common, ordinary load of clothes slushing around in water and soap. Many are the times I have waited for the last spin of the washing machine drum. Waiting for excess water to spin out of the clothing. Waiting. Waiting. Perhaps I could do a spoof on a Stephen King novel using the droning of the machine as it spins on and on and on in a seemingly endless cycle. I, waiting, believing at any minute the cycle will end and I will have relief from the sound of the ceaseless spin. Tortuous spin. The dryer sits quietly waiting for clothing to dry. The spin cycle continues. My eyes are weary from staring into space waiting, my lips are parched with thirst. Yet, the source of all this.....WHAT...quiet? Is this a trick? Am I being lulled into a false sense of relief? Will the monsterous machine start up again when I begin to approach it? I feel a dread, a doubt that the spinning has ceased. Listen! No sounds from the hall. No gears changing for re-engagement. I feel ecstatic. I have won over the spinning cycle. I can now move to the drying cycle. The heat will build. The clothes will begin to dry. I will go to bed.
Phew! Eternity was only five minutes! How subtle eternity must be to hide itself within five minutes.
My purpose, my motivation for writing at this very moment hinge on one thing. I am waiting for the clothes to finish washing. Yep! There is a deep wisdom to ponder in that motivation. Creativity birthed out of a common, ordinary load of clothes slushing around in water and soap. Many are the times I have waited for the last spin of the washing machine drum. Waiting for excess water to spin out of the clothing. Waiting. Waiting. Perhaps I could do a spoof on a Stephen King novel using the droning of the machine as it spins on and on and on in a seemingly endless cycle. I, waiting, believing at any minute the cycle will end and I will have relief from the sound of the ceaseless spin. Tortuous spin. The dryer sits quietly waiting for clothing to dry. The spin cycle continues. My eyes are weary from staring into space waiting, my lips are parched with thirst. Yet, the source of all this.....WHAT...quiet? Is this a trick? Am I being lulled into a false sense of relief? Will the monsterous machine start up again when I begin to approach it? I feel a dread, a doubt that the spinning has ceased. Listen! No sounds from the hall. No gears changing for re-engagement. I feel ecstatic. I have won over the spinning cycle. I can now move to the drying cycle. The heat will build. The clothes will begin to dry. I will go to bed.
Phew! Eternity was only five minutes! How subtle eternity must be to hide itself within five minutes.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Wednesday Night Musings!
Tonight at the church discussion group I found myself linking the threads of conversation together toward the topic of communion and breaking bread. Breaking bread, in the Christian community, is highly significant for as many reasons as there are people who take the communion in their home churches. Our central theme tonight was the community of the early church and their practices to maintain that community and how those are applicable to us in our Christian communities today.
The topic was drawn away to the subject of baptism. At first I wanted to be irritated and then I realized that the exact purpose of discussion groups is that they allow for a bit of controlled meandering. Ultimately I saw how the discussion of baptism and the discussion of Christian community and communion wove together. In fact there were few topics where I could fail to see a connection back in towards the Christian community and the communion of that community. The purpose and ultimate beauty of that relationship between believers seems to me to require the discussion of and understanding of multiple facets of the Christ led life. While the impression given is one of a tranquil brotherhood with respected leadership and well established modes of operation I believe, and would bet on it, that the established community remained viable through lively debate and discussion of the faith.
Also, tonight I had a full understanding of the absolute necessity of attracting people who have questions, concepts, lack of knowledge, are odd, are, at times, difficult to relate to and who challenge us to come out of our established community. It is our purpose to attract and minister to such people. I am guilty of making huge assumptions and judging....contempt prior to investigation is the perfect attribute to describe my own prejudices. Tonight I realized that the blend of people attending our Wednesday night discussions is critically important. I left the gathering with a heart filled with excitement and delight. Our community is drawing others to us. Not the already schooled and jaded Christians but the lost and craving community Christians and non-Christians.
We have a delicate balance to maintain. I pray the God of this universe, of all eternity tempers us, opens our hearts and our minds to this opportunity to blend each person into our community just as they are and without reservation.
The topic was drawn away to the subject of baptism. At first I wanted to be irritated and then I realized that the exact purpose of discussion groups is that they allow for a bit of controlled meandering. Ultimately I saw how the discussion of baptism and the discussion of Christian community and communion wove together. In fact there were few topics where I could fail to see a connection back in towards the Christian community and the communion of that community. The purpose and ultimate beauty of that relationship between believers seems to me to require the discussion of and understanding of multiple facets of the Christ led life. While the impression given is one of a tranquil brotherhood with respected leadership and well established modes of operation I believe, and would bet on it, that the established community remained viable through lively debate and discussion of the faith.
Also, tonight I had a full understanding of the absolute necessity of attracting people who have questions, concepts, lack of knowledge, are odd, are, at times, difficult to relate to and who challenge us to come out of our established community. It is our purpose to attract and minister to such people. I am guilty of making huge assumptions and judging....contempt prior to investigation is the perfect attribute to describe my own prejudices. Tonight I realized that the blend of people attending our Wednesday night discussions is critically important. I left the gathering with a heart filled with excitement and delight. Our community is drawing others to us. Not the already schooled and jaded Christians but the lost and craving community Christians and non-Christians.
We have a delicate balance to maintain. I pray the God of this universe, of all eternity tempers us, opens our hearts and our minds to this opportunity to blend each person into our community just as they are and without reservation.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Wherever It Goes
For some reason the large type looks exceptionally large to me. As in many other things I find it difficult to come to a happy medium. My thinking...oh my goodness...I just re-read what I have written so far and "the happy medium" part took off in my head with streams of thought trailing behind so...
What would it take to make a medium happy?
Why would I find it difficult to go see a happy medium? Would I prefer a glum medium who may find my future to be dreadful with no cheer or laughter?
I have only met a couple of mediums. They did not seem particularly happy to me. Maybe that was because they sounded like the Sunday paper's horoscope section. Maybe they are sad because they have become a cliche or maybe they are tired of people like me who make fun of them. I don't know. Maybe it is because they seem to be required to wear either odd clothing or to dress up, have a Bible opened on a table with flowers and drip with solemnity. Do the "spirits" require solemnity or they will bring bad luck on the medium? I have met only two "official" mediums. What the heck does that even mean?
I am not going back over this blog. I know I started out with a direction in mind. A happy medium messed that up real good. Wonder what she has against me? Maybe she was just showing off by misdirecting my thoughts in a nano-second.
Oh well, everything's groovy. Peace out!
What would it take to make a medium happy?
Why would I find it difficult to go see a happy medium? Would I prefer a glum medium who may find my future to be dreadful with no cheer or laughter?
I have only met a couple of mediums. They did not seem particularly happy to me. Maybe that was because they sounded like the Sunday paper's horoscope section. Maybe they are sad because they have become a cliche or maybe they are tired of people like me who make fun of them. I don't know. Maybe it is because they seem to be required to wear either odd clothing or to dress up, have a Bible opened on a table with flowers and drip with solemnity. Do the "spirits" require solemnity or they will bring bad luck on the medium? I have met only two "official" mediums. What the heck does that even mean?
I am not going back over this blog. I know I started out with a direction in mind. A happy medium messed that up real good. Wonder what she has against me? Maybe she was just showing off by misdirecting my thoughts in a nano-second.
Oh well, everything's groovy. Peace out!
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