My creativity dried up for quite awhile this time. All attempts, on my part, to kick-start my brain have failed. Happy Harry the Hippie Man has paid me several visits in the past month. He walks into my brain trailing a dramatic and colorful portfolio of ideas for me to consider. I have paid little attention to him, which is not the recommended way of responding to Happy Harry. He struts back and forth in my head, sits for a few moments, jumps up looking around as if someone may be coming and resumes strutting though less enthusiastically. At this juncture, Happy Harry suspects he may have seen the last of me. It is not true but Happy Harry has a fragile ego and a need for attention.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our days are much the same, day after day. There are medical issues, daily life challenges and not much else. Caregiving is a crazy maker. Every day could be the day the other shoe drops or not. Interpreting symptoms and making decisions about medical care; go or no go feels like a responsibility better suited for someone, the mythical someone, who will just "know" what to do and when to do it.
Our washing machine and the dryer are broken. The dryer is optional. The washing machine is a necessity. A friend of my mother is an appliance repairman. He told me one thing to check and how to fix it if it was broken. I followed his instructions and discovered the part is broken beyond repair. I went on youtube and searched for videos of people demonstrating how to make the repair and I think I can do it myself. I am going to do the repair. I have had a craving for a long, time to be able to repair something in this house. It is not my strength and I have been timid about trying. After following the steps given by the repairman and watching the videos for the full repair, I feel confident that I can make this repair and that is so freaking cool to me. Yeah, baby!
Do you, my faithful reader, ever think about how you got to where you are today? When you were a teenager did you see yourself where you are today and doing what you are doing today? I did not have a clue.Years ago I partied at the beach I live eight miles from today. I never thought that I would be living here, a full-time caregiver and soon to be 66 years old. I had no plan for living this long which is probably how I, in a willy-nilly fashion, ended up here. At one time I believed I was missing out on something that "could have been". Believing that concept made me emotionally sick. Today I believe that I am in the right place. I believe I am doing the most important thing I could be doing with my life and 66 years of age is o.k. with me.
Tonight I am at peace with who I am and with my daily life. I do have fear and concerns about my husband's illness and the daily grind of caregiving wears on me. That is why a character like Happy Harry the Hippie Man brings joy and diversity into my life. I don't think he knows how much I like him and his visits. He may believe he is far too complex to be a comfort to an older woman with an utterly boring life compared to his own life.
I suppose we shall soon experience him again. I will give him his voice and he will give me himself. As a writer, I run the risk of manipulating a character such as Happy Harry by the use of my own words. So, I give him his voice and I get himself, in return. The reader experiences the character's essence and I dress him up. It is a dangerous alliance. If I did not respect Happy Harry I could dress him as a "dandy" and make him bald. Did you hear him scream just now? Just kidding, mate! Just kidding!
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