BUSTED

Life is difficult, which Scott Peck states as the first sentence of his book that I don't feel like looking up the name of at this moment. I read the book, more than once, and have heard that one sentence quoted over and over again as if that thought in itself must be brought to our attention again and again. We know that life is difficult. Why does the statement that life is difficult provide such a  galvanizing moment when brought to our attention? The room gets quieter, some eyes water with tears, heads nod in solemn agreement. A presence of wisdom settles over the listener, the release of an unrealistic expectation that life were any other way is permissible. The truth is out. Life is difficult.

As if that were not enough in itself I, (don't know about you), make decisions on a daily basis that increase the probablity of difficulty. Confession is good for the soul and I could use a little "good for the soul" stuff so I will list a few of my "guaranteed to ensure difficulty" choices. Either you will find yourself in this or you will feel a sense of relief that you are not bent on proving Mr. Peck's statement beyond a shadow of a doubt.

1. I stay up late. O.K. I got to bed early. Early in the a.m. Often just before sunrise. New studies show that is one of the worst health habits I can choose. I would deny that I choose it but I would have to undo a million sentences I have made regarding personal choice. Not going to try to defend myself. Going to try to change this one. The evidence puts me squarely in the same grouping with people who smoke a pack a day after having been told they have emphysema and cancer is just a thought away. Busted.

2. I am overweight. No, I am, by medical standards, obese. Which, guess what, ties back into the lousy sleeping habits. Scientifically proven at this point. Obesity sucks. The word sounds nasty like something a school kid would say to gross out their friends. Busted.

3. I don't exercise. I have my reasons. Health reasons mostly and they are valid but not to the extent of inertness which has become my choice. Oh, I do hate the "choice" word! I want to exercise. Guess what lack of motivation to exercise ties back into...lack of sleep.

4. Poor eating habits - nuff said. Ties back into lack of sleep.

5. Neglecting to practice techniques for reducing stress in my life. Truth is I doubt I can make the stress go away but I can choose situations to lessen the effects of stress. Stress management. Guess what adds to stress and neglect and depression and feelings of hopelessness. LACK OF SLEEP!

That is enough confession. I can't say that my sould feels good at the moment. I will say that I write about myself to be transparent to anyone reading and to myself.

Why would an intelligent woman of 62 years of age continue to choose one habit that impacts every other part of her life dramatically? Life is difficult. Apparently that is not good enough for me. I seem to be reaching for a higher degree of difficulty. And, oh dear me, guess what? The less I sleep the more difficult it is for me to make an effective change. Viscious cycle. No excuses. Well, restless legs do hamper me from time to time. No, I do not want some chesse with that whine!

It is 11 p.m. I am going to bed. Five hours earlier than I went to bed last night or the night before. If you happen to read this blog I will report how I find myself after a week of going to bed at 11 p.m. What if I should feel competent and clear-headed with less of a craving for over-eating and the energy to exercise a wee bit? What if the fog clears up and I can see the horizon and call it good?

Good-night, sweet friends!