Penguins For No Reason

Home recovering from surgery, up later than I meant to be, happy penguins seemed to fit the bill. Already the depression associated with the parathyroidism has lifted. The doctor says there will be numerous changes over the next three weeks. Currently I am recovering. Resting. Dealing with an agitated cat who believes he should be outside more than inside but he gave me a scare tonight so inside is his new normal. He is not happy with me. Twice he has put his face up to mine meowing his request. He has walked across this laptop once and he is now ignoring me. His mind is working. I know he loves it outside but tonight when I went out to get him to come in he was asleep on the neighbor's yard, curled up in a tight ball and I thought he was dead and I did not like that feeling at all. He will probably win the battle during the day tomorrow. Or not. I am recovering, resting, reminding myself to recover and rest. This is my one true shot at a genuine improvement in my health. I cannot afford to be cavalier or squander the chance. I do not feel self-destructive or lost now. Wow, I was so sick. Prior to surgery I was not sure I could live if the surgery did not work for some reason. Nevermind that all the literature...all of it...said the surgery worked. It seemed inconceivable that I could be so emotionally depressed and physically exhausted. Then surgery and I am, as far as I can tell, free of the depression. Blessed freedom. I wish it were that simple for my friends, my husband, who suffer day after day with severe, debilitating depression. They are my new heroes. I do not know how they continue day after day with strong medications holding them together, holding off the awful weight of depression so heavy that it defies description. I know now what I did not know before I got sick. I know personally the pain of depression and, yes, it is painful. Not just heavy, not just sad, not just physically debilitating but painful. It is a deep, awful pain and I will pray for anyone I know who experiences it every day of their lives. God uses experiences in life to teach us or to make us sensitive to other people and what they experience. Whatever else I may learn along the way I will always identify with and care for those suffering from depression. I am grateful to God for that learning. As is always the case with me, I had to experience it for myself to soften my heart and open new doors in my walk with Christ.