When Mental Illness Is An Inheritance and some other stuff

Before the purist among you argue that I have used the word 'inheritance' out of context or incorrectly or some other statement on the use of that word I will set the record straight right now...SO WHAT?

It is my family legacy on the paternal side. It is the depression, the bi-polar, the schizophrenic, the alcoholic, the paranoid and the just plain odd character thrown into the mix for levity. It is my family and it is my inheritance as I have not gotten one other thing out of any person on that side of my family or the other, for that matter, when they passed on from this life to what lies beyond. (Well, my paternal grandmother did bequeath me my body shape and a goodly quantity of eccentricities) Since God does seem to give crazy people a generous bounty of grace when it comes to going to heaven I assume many of these same people will meet me at the river when my time comes. They will, of course, have been restored to a sound mind. It won't be like old times. No! Don't go getting snooty on me about being sacrilegious. This is my story, my life and it will, one day, be my death. 

Enough about death...my mom got to telling me a long story about my daddy's side of the family; how this one committed suicide and the other got hit head-on and died instantly and him probably a budding alcoholic and how she doesn't remember so much of what I tell her when we discuss the past, for whatever reason, which could be a good thing. It could be a gift.

So, I had the amazing surgery and I am mentally in a great place. Physically I am being treated for acute sinusitis and a flare-up of deverticuli. That one that starts with a "d" got my interest immediately. Who ever knew little pieces of food stuck in tiny pockets of  the intestine could create an environment that hurts like a big dog and causes a fever and a doctor's visit and antibiotics which I had to take while taking an antibiotic and getting a shot of an antibiotic. Doesn't it sound as if my body may just be a toxic dump with all these antibiotics? But,what's to be done?

I cannot dwell on the subject of my health for long without getting bogged down in self-pity and that is a thankless road to emotional hell. Life hands each person something they struggle with although it may not be so obvious as constant health issues. I started getting sick early in life. Malaria and dysentery took a toll when we lived in Africa but then it seems there was a space in time that I felt better...through my junior high years especially. Anyway, it seems to me it has been all of my life but that is a generalization. I can with all honesty say it has been the last 30 years of my life. Before that I was using drugs and drinking to one degree or the other so I am not sure about my health. This topic is making me SICK.

I talk a great deal about God and I absolutely know that God is with me. I am not doubting that at all. Just, at times, I gotta say WTF. Then I think of how much clearer my mind is and how much happier I am emotionally since the surgery and I realize that what is bringing me down is this infection hanging out in my body. Things are not so bad. Just this body of mine and God made it and I am trying to understand who to be in it and then I think of Lu and her struggle with cancer and her beautiful spirit and I take a deep breath and pull up my big girl panties and trudge on...you know...the happy road of destiny?

So much about myself when the world is groaning in deep distress. Well, here's the scoop, I am running a low grade fever, my husband said he thinks the air conditioning in our home stopped, there is no money to fix that air conditioner, my husband is going to the doctor tomorrow and he is afraid but this darn low grade fever is the culprit and the reason for this entire post. My body feels as if something is plugged into it draining energy slowly off of me. Lawd have mercy!! Woman, stop! Stop and smell the luxury of the world around me. So this is me sounding off and it isn't even a decent sound off. Whine! Hey, if I was eating I could be a "Whine and Dine".  Yeah, I agree. It is time to wrap it up and go home and see if the AC is really shot. I have a thermostat to install and that should send anyone who knows me into peals of laughter.

I am not depressed. YAY!! I can think clearly! YAY! My body will get stronger over the next 6 months. YAY!! Praise God for these and so many, many other blessings. His grace is sufficient!

 

Thanks for listening!