Sharing The Burden

I blog on caregiving.com as well as here and for different reasons. Tonight I did a blog on the caregiving site that I am posting here also. My husband has Frontal Temporal Dementia and I am his sole caregiver. The caregiving.com site is an amazing way to share with other caregiver's and to learn from them. If you are a caregiver or know someone who is a caregiver I recommend finding caregiving.com and using the information to your best advantage. Without further ado....

Sharing The Burden

I was just in a chat when someone came on who expressed that she was exhausted from trying to be stronger than she felt. As so often happens in chats or when talking with friends over coffee, a comment will go straight to the heart of the matter. That lovely woman's comment spoke my truth. I don't think I would have known how to put it. She did and I am grateful for her.
There are days when I look around and I wrestle with the feeling that I am a four year old trying to be a twenty year old. I am much older than twenty but you get my point. Wow! Just as I typed that last sentence I got a picture of the National Geographic pictures of women in other countries walking miles to the nearest watering hole and then back home with the water weighing them down on the return journey. I'll bet if we could talk together we would all instantly understand the demands we each have on our lives and we would each say we have no idea how we meet those demands because we often feel far too little to take the next step or make the next decision. I am getting goose bumps. I am having one small memory after the other come to the front of my mind as I think of the times I knew without a doubt I was being carried by a loving God and He was making the decisions through me because I simply could not make them. I was too little. I was too overwhelmed. I was too hurt and sad and frightened of the future. I wanted to be little and have someone step in and take over.
There are many well meaning suggestions for resting and taking care of ourselves and they are all important and do make a difference. I just think there are days when the depth of sadness and grief supersedes all our good intentions. I think what I call overwhelming is often the reality of this journey. It is what Denise has identified as the journey that has only one ending and we are walking that journey, staying busy with all the daily tasks, exhausting ourselves with all that caregiving demands of us. We are walking the journey with our eyes so focused on the moment and then we look up and we clear our heads of the demands on us and we see the ending. We gasp at the ache inside and the sorrow pouring into our hearts. We momentarily fall to our emotional knees. I think this is when we experience the exhaustion of being stronger than we feel.
If we are fortunate enough to have a friend to share with, a group to talk with and this amazing site to use every single day we struggle as we stand up from our emotional knees, we bond together, we meet each other in that tender and vulnerable place and we share the burden. Imagine, if you will, the bond that binds us to each other and the miraculous understanding that on the days when I am strong, I can share some of that with you when you are feeling weak and when I am weak you will share your strength with me. Imagine that bond binding together hundreds of souls who are loving and providing care for someone. Imagine the love and energy of that love pouring out from us into the world of caregiving. We keep what we have by giving it away. This is a deep truth that I have been taught by others. In our weakness we find our strength. We share our burdens. I am deeply humbled and blessed by all of you. Thank you.