Don't Have A Clue!

Mr. Owl has been unavailable to me for several weeks now. I pray he has not met an untimely death. Hopefully he is nested up with an owl cutie making baby owls. I prefer the lovely thought of baby owls to a permanent loss of Mr. Owl. Coming home from my mother's without a hoot or a glimpse of the gentleman owl is a distant second from the times I catch a glimps of him perched on the top of the water tower. I am not wise to the ways of owls. I don't have a clue of their patterns and habits. He could be right smack in the middle of what owls do at this time of year and I, the ever dramatic woman, will imagine him gone forever, lost to me, leaving me behind without so much as a wing wave. Is this what is meant by "not giving a hoot"?

Animals have found their way into my psyche without so much as an invitation from me. Pets have been in and out of my life over the years. Sonny, my doxie who art in heaven, began this trend. Rico and Sugar, two Siamese who were as polar opposite as two Siamese can manage to be, brought the love of cats to me. Now I am a freaking animal lover shunning the death of any living thing by my hand unless it is invading my house, i.e., ants, roaches and the like. If they would stay outside I would leave them to their destiny. No, I am not a vegetarian. I often think of the dichotomy between my right to life approach for every thing up to and including trees and wonder how I manage to eat meat. Lacking the self-discipline required to change my dietary habits plays a large role for my non-choice. No choice is a choice of course. I can't fish and I live 8 miles from the ocean. I cannot bear to watch fish die or hear them flopping frantically in coolers. I lose my breath as I find myself breathing for them. Yes, alright, I have crossed a line at some point and become a bit neurotic in the process. I am a first class bleeding heart. I don't have a clue when or where I became a complete bleeding heart. It borders on a phobia. I mind my son's business regarding his dogs and, if I had a large property, I would be adopting stray animals and stray people with impunity. There's a five dollar word for ya!

Father's Day today! We pulled off a good time together as family around my mom's table. I don't have a clue how I have come to plan family events for our group here at the coast but I have become the planner and, often the executer, of the gatherings. Mom buys much of the food stuff. If there is cooking involved I do it now. For many years my mom cooked and cooked. Fond memories of holiday seasons with mom's cooking and family coming in at my mom and dad's loading the countertops and tables with a decadent  amount of foods often drift through my mind  Today those times are gone. Dad is gone. My grandmother is gone. The matriach of Sampson County left us without a plan. For years her plan had been "the plan". We are scattered now. We had six at the table today. Still we represented three generations. Smithfield's chicken and bbq and banana split pies were just fine with us. No one wanted to cook. When it comes to families ours ranks pretty high on the scale for dysfunction and eccentricities. Everyone I know says the same thing about their families. It could be that families are complex as a rule. Love overcomes a multitude of sins and age mellows us out.

I am weary of the paralysis of analysis. What is, is! I have decided to love folks and pray for them as they come to mind. It is the softer, easier way! At the age of 61 I have made my peace with life. I am blessed beyond measure just because I am loved. I gave life a go. Yep, I tried as hard as I could to kick life's ass. Ultimately life kicked mine all over the place until I cried "Uncle!. Enough is enough. I hereby bestow my proclivity for rebellion to those younger and far wiser than I. I am living and breathing in three quarter time and, yes, those words are in a song. But, I don't have a clue whose song!