Growing Pains

All in all I consider myself , with a degree of smug satisfaction, to be a person who has come a long way in my spiritual walk. It is this belief system that has been challenged of late. An awareness of habits I have or behaviors I allow in myself has been quickened.

What's that? Prove it! O.K.  Not a problem for me at this moment because the light is shining on a few of these behaviors. As is often the case my behaviors are of the garden variety.  For a woman who takes herself too damn seriously every day of her life the idea of being "garden variety" is not easy to swallow. At the age of 62 I have less energy to perpetuate the myth of uniqueness. This myth vanishes when I am confronted with character defects that are juvenile nor are they innocent.  Sigh! Here goes a confession of the most boring garden variety character defects imaginable. Yet the most capable of ruin for me and for others.

1. Gossip/Character assassination: Cunning and adept at dressing up in the garment of "concern" for others, this pig of a behavior is still a pig no matter the disguise. Oh, how safe I have felt trading stories, judging the behaviors of others, speaking of matters with no actual truths to back them up and, absolutely for their own good, of course for their own good. I have miles and miles of memory tapes I could review to find myself practicing this fine art. SO WHAT IS THE POINT?

My Father says, "Thou shalt not murder" Thou shalt not bear false witness" "Thou shalt not covet! " My Father says that I should love my neighbor as I love myself. Oh the burden of this awareness. My Father is loving me with growing pains!  He is showing me  the ugly truth of gossip and my whole-hearted participation in it. He is opening my eyes to see that I particularly enjoy talking about my brothers and sisters in Christ. This is painful. I feel ashamed. I want to hide from Him!

Yet, He loves me beyond measure. Even as I begin to shed this character defect He reaches to grow me up! He shows me how I can love the ones I have so smugly trashed with my gossiping. He is revealing to me how I can move from destroying to uplifting, from my way to His desire.

It must be late. Probably close to morning. I know most people who read this blog...all ten of you, lol,   may wish I would lighten up. Well, I got lit up, if that counts, and I gotta be me! I am my Father's precious daughter. I am a child of the King!