Temptation

 The slithering, seductive serpent of self-pity courted me this week. More time at the doctor's office, more medication, more restrictions, a bad tooth demanding a percentage of my attention and an all but empty wallet are fertile ground for thoughts of self-pity to flourish. The vile creature slithering ever closer need not waste energy setting me up by whispering doubts and fears in muted hissings. I had taken myself the first steps into the vortex of self-pity. The loathful serpent, tongue flickering ever closer to me, had a deeper intent, an ancient intent bathed in a hatred nurtured by the fires of hell. I stood teetering on the precipice of the vortex, soaking in the familiar moanings of "why me", "no hope", "no one cares". For an instant in time I gloried in the angst of my situation, my despair, my loss. I began to drop to a kneeling position at the altar of myself. The serpent's head hung swaying slighly from side to side. He felt a victory. He seemed to smile and thrust out his body in a posture full of pride and viral hatred. Ah, sly serpent of the damned. I was doing well enough on my own. You showed yourself in all your unholy confidence and, my soul, recognizing the truth in the revelation of your dark joy, cried out to Jesus. "Jesus, help me!" Jesus, help me!"

The vortex disappeared, the serpent slithered off, smaller now and broken for the moment. Self-pity slipped from my mind as a shadow fades in the light. Peace held court in my spirit. A vestige of the horrors I had courted hung for a moment in thoughts. I asked for forgiveness. Yes, the serpent of death met me on the path I had chosen but I chose the path. I chose to live outside of the love of my Father and take my own fate into my hands. Yet, my Father's love and eternal grace instantly covered my sin. He rescued me. He removed the filth of the sin. Again.