Parkinson's Disease! It sucks! Maybe I will write a book by that name one day. My husband has Parkinson's Disease. It has probably been growing inch by inch for 7 years but he would not see a doctor consistently and it takes awhile to diagnose it. Recently it took off like a coon dog chasing a rabbit. My husband called me saying he could not walk. I went home immediately. His lower back was hurting with such intensity that I could touch him with tiny pressure and he would clinch up in pain. He has a high pain threshhold level. He does not see doctors unless he has to see one and he DEF does not go to the ER. In the past two weeks we have been to the ER three times and called them to the house twice more. He is on heavy pain meds until we see a neurologist and I am doing what I can to make his world a kinder, gentler place. We are both exhausted with the effort. I thought I was having a mental and physical breakdown on Saturday. Turns out I was plain, garden variety exhausted in every way. I cried and cried. Cried with friends at church. I feel much better.
I believe in finding the jewel inside of the pile of crap. And we are experiencing a pile of crap that rose up and flung itself at us. So, dear crazy woman, nearly breaking down woman, living in the solution through the grace of God woman, what is the jewel, pray tell?
Turns out I have found several and it is early yet in this process.
My husband and I are growing much closer and transparent with each other.
I asked for help. From normal people...big jewel.
I cried and my husband held me and comforted me. Humility for a moment. Beautiful moment.
God reached me through the horrible, hideous, panick attack, body falling apart Friday that hit me like a ton of bricks when I tried to function.
I am not alone. Robert is not alone. We are not in control.
I don't have to know why or to understand the mysteries of God's work in my life. I can simply allow Him to have His way.
Pretty good for a beginning, huh? Pretty good to be given the privilege of helping my husband. Amazing to hear a sermon from a pastor (my pastor - I claim ownership in this instance) teaching from the Bible and that teaching comforting me, challenging me, lifting me up and reminding me that I, of my ownself, can do nothing.
The beauty of friends...oh joy...the beauty of friends!
More to come from the mell of a hess filled with blessings. Maybe if you look closely at your mell of a hess and dig through the crap you too will find jewels of your own.
By the way...this post did not go as planned. Sounds funny coming from the person who is writing it but I am an intuitive writer following where I am led. I planned to be pitiful and dramatic. O.K. That was for this Friday past...not for this Monday now but I'll be danged if I will title this post "Bejeweled"!
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