I Don't Even Want To Talk About It!

The past five weeks or so have been difficult. Difficult in ways I have not experienced. Difficult in ways that are redefining me. Difficult in ways that have frightened my husband and myself. Just for now, I don't want to talk about it!

I drove over the high-rise bridge, spanning a glistening waterway on my way towards the island. I did not see the ocean ahead or the waterway below. This is alarming in retrospect.

I slept about 3 hours last night. Maybe. My mind has wandered off searching through deep woods and dense foliage for the key to a mysterious kingdom. My girlfriend of many years lost her husband last month. Her mind is searching also. We discuss the process as we share our stories of recent events.

Last night and part of today I  played with a frisky dog of size. He insisted I grab the ball caught in his mouth, covered in slobber, tease him for a moment and throw it a few feet away. Within seconds he is back, tail wagging, eyes wide with anticipation, tonguing that plastic ball  daring me to try to take it from him. I manage to grab it after a few tries, toss it again and he is back and so on and so on. It is great fun.

Car Kitty...now known as Boots lives in the house where I am staying. Between the dog and the precocious, wonderful, persnickety cat I am fully happy and loved.

I stand on the watchtower. For a moment I avert my eyes, turn to look at the beauty of the lands behind me drinking in their beauty, renewing my spirit.  I turn to take my position. I watch for the coming darkness, I gird myself about with the spiritual armour I have learned defends so faithfully. I plant my feet, take up my sword and my shield and attend to my position, watching, per the orders of My King, for the coming darkness. I was born to stand watch. I was born to protect and serve.

A friend had her baby this week. What a beauty of a baby! She borders on perfection except for that little cone shaped head. It will soon shape itself to her beautiful face but it serves now as a whimsical contrast to her flawlessness. It makes her more beguiling, charming, human. She is brand new, knows nothing of symmetry, cares not a bit if her pretty little head is in a cone shape as she begins her life. Cuddled securely in a blanket, held in the arms of her mom she rules her small domain.

I am seized with a compulsion to run. Peace! Be still!