I have trashed at least three beginnings of a blog. That word disturbs me for some reason. If I say "blog" over and over it reminds me of a bog (swamp) or of a "blob" or of anything but a place to record my thoughts. When I say, "I have a blog." I want to say, "I have a blog-g-g-g-g!" stringing out the word in a long, high-pitched drawl.
Stream of consciousness day! Oh boy! I am sleepy. This should be an adventure in sheer determination. Know what? I have to go get dressed. My brother is coming and we are going to see my husband.
Sound of door opening, footsteps, sound of door closing. "I'm back!"
What a day! Beautiful day outside, lovely ride to Sea Level, time with my brother who I seldom see, watching my husband making progress in physical therapy and knowing the effort it requires of him, laughing with friends on the phone, going to my friend's house and playing with "my " parrott, Miss Nibbles, anxious moments scattered throughout, at home with myself and the cats and we are all chillin', having friends remind me that it is just for today cause they have to calm my histrionic self down...you know...bring the boiling water to a softer simmer. Listening to a woman of God get real about who her "daddy" is and she speaking it with force and the power of belief. Wondering who on earth is going to clean this house because my adhd self has managed to take stuff from room to room effectively trashing every room with stuff to put away. accepting that being me is o.k. who better to be me? thinking of the sparkling waters of the coastal views on the way to Sealevel. wondering what it would be like to grow up in that house or in that community and thinking maybe I will spend a night in the bed and breakfast I see along the way to Sealevel then knowing that I won't stay there alone. It is a two story plantation style home and I don't stay in two story plantation style homes unless someone is with me and nevermind the reasons. noticing that some of the homes on the route to Sealevel have been raised in case of rising waters and seeing a home being built with the house itself way up in the air on long, long structures of wood. thinking...if they don't close that in the darn house is going to take flight in a strong wind...just lift up off the foundation and fly away, floating on air drafts while avoiding the water. my Lord, if I was standing beside the home I would get a crick in my neck looking up the stairs. please tell me they are building a dumb waiter to haul up supplies and such.
i will be 64 on the 24th. my mother asked me what we were going to do for my birthday. i told her nothing if i had to plan it. i told her i did not intend to plan my own birthday another time in my life. she laughed an uncomfortable laugh. she is 87 years old and not up to planning much of anything. but i am serious. i will not plan my own party, bake the cake and do the dishes. nope! no way! never again! o.k. maybe if someone was gonna give me say....like about $1,000 if I would plan my own birthday. I would probably change my mind. I have my principles and money can't buy everything but the right money might buy my time planning my own birthday party.
this is personal but this is my blog (cringe) so I just gotta say what someone gave me out of the blue and having no idea in the world that I have wanted this type of thing forever but never, ever will pay for cause I'd rather eat out with friends, but I digress, someone gave me a bag full of what appeared to be clothes but it was full of wonderful, silky, expensive to me, pajamas and gowns. brand names that i have always wished i had but, like I said, i would rather eat out with friends so i guess God saw and heard that private little part of me that i haven't even addressed in a long time and He said, "My girl is having a tough time and she could use a big bag of soft, silky nightwear cause she has always wanted soft, silky pajamas and gowns. What better way to say, I love you! Total surprise and totally not practical. Yep, my girl will like this treat very much!" and that is why I know He was thinking and He, as always, made a perfect choice that is just for me and can you get over it! Out of the blue, tags still on the garments...couldn't you just die! I am overwhelmed and I feel so special!
welp, that is it for the night. a day at a time. take a deep breath. put on a set of soft, silky pajamas and go to bed! SIGH!
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