A friend of mine who knows my family dynamics well was talking with me today about my mom. My mom is 87 years old. She lives near me and I spend a lot of time with her. My father died several years ago and I have been looking in on my mom all of that time. She and I are often at odds. Nothing dramatic and loud but silent and passive aggressive. My friend has a unique position in our lives so, over time, she has made her own observations of my mom and her relationships with her three chuldren. I am the oldest. My brother is the middle and my sister is the baby.
To keep a long, long story short, my mom identifies most with my sister, adores her son who is bi-polar and has conquered many challenges and has, as long as I can remember had an ambivalent response towards me. I don' t even want to know what birthed her response to me but I have felt it for years.
Time has passed and in my life today my mom's preferences have become visible to my friend. I did not think anyone knew or noticed. I felt foolish like a petulant, jealous child as this woman told me one day how much she admired my involvement with my mother and how she did not think she could handle it. I was shocked. Since then we have talked about my mom and I have had the opportunity to get out of denial about my relationship with her. I have struggled with the truth and grieved it.
Today I was talking with this dear friend about a recent event with my mom. We were both laughing when she said, "In your mom's eyes your sister was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, your brother is the son and you? You are shit outta luck!" I realized how far I have come when both of us burst into laughter without an edge to it or resentment in my heart. My friend told the truth! Giggling. And I found the truth hysterically funny.
Say What?!
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