I Want

I want to be a poet or a laureate or a poet laureate.
I want to be an acclaimed singer posing as a man like I saw Lily Tomlin do one time long ago.
I want to make a difference in the lives of those who have no others to make a difference in their lives. 
I want to lose weight and be tall and thin with my hair long and braided down my back.
I want to own property and rescue dogs and hire people who were rescued to love the dogs back to health while the dogs love them back to health.
I want to teach Miss Nibbles, the parrot who loves me, to say "I love you".
I want to take a boat ride far enough out to sea at night that I cannot see the lights of land and blackness crowds round until the stars fill the sky above and the flecks of surf flowing along the top of the water catch the reflection of the stars and twinkle.
I want to draw a deep breath full of the smell of heather and grasses and fresh turned earth. I want the rain to fall afterwards as I stand with my face turned up to catch the drops.
I want to love a child who has forgotten how to be loved.
I want to die tonight and I want to live forever and I want to laugh and hurt and find myself falling onto the ground and rolling over and over in the throes of an ecstasy both frightening and glorious all at once. 
I want to plead with the wounded souls who bring terror into the darkness of the night to put down their weapons and to stand still for moments and moments until they feel themselves breathing and they know the wonder of that breath and the joy of that breath so that they would never choose to take it from another soul.
I want to serve and love and serve and love in the service of Christ the Lord until there is nothing left of me but the bondage of my surrender in His service and all that I can do is cry out with joy, cry out with this fearsome peace that passes all understanding and cry out with this love that will not let me go.
I want to show someone who has never dreamed it possible that they are loved by the creator of the universe, by the alpha and omega and they are loved by the creator with such a jealous love that they cannot escape that love nor wish to be in the presence of another god forever and ever.
I want to sit perfectly still. Close my eyes. Be silent and listen to the sounds of my home. The sound of warm air flowing into my room from the heater down the hall. The sounds of my cats breathing deeply in their sleep. The sound of the clock ticking. And finally, the sound of myself drawing in the breath of life right here in my home among all the things I love. I, yes, even I can draw in the breath of life.
I want to stop now. I am finished.