This Girl Ain't Playing!

 

OUCH!

$%^&*(*

I found this clip art in honor of my knee. My left knee hurts. It has been hurting for several weeks. I am finished with it hurting. It is not finished hurting. I am a child in an adult body. "Make it stop!" is what I want to scream at the doctor. They are so professional. They are clinical. I want hugs and a profuse outpouring of comforting phrases. I want a lollipop and a shot. No, I want two shots and a couple of pills. No, I want two shots, a couple of pills, eight ounces of good whiskey and a joint the size of a large cigar. Did I mention that my knee hurts? I hobble along like the 65 year old woman I am and I use the carts in the stores and I learned to use that darn cane and I am in pain. No way around it and I will tell anyone who will listen, as a matter of fact I do tell anyone who will listen, that my knee is only surpassed in pain by the kidney stone I had a few years ago. A kidney stone would make me forget this knee and I do not want that thought to go to God's ears. Shush! That was a between me and you thought.

Tomorrow I find out what the MRI shows and we will make a plan. I DON'T WANT A PLAN!! I want the pain to go away. No! I will not try to think about pretty things or go to my happy place and I refuse to utter platitudes nor will I take back the desire for whiskey and dope. Of course I will not drink or smoke a joint but I am not going to lie and say the thought doesn't have a certain comfort to it. I am not that mature. I am not that evolved. I cannot say, in the face of ongoing pain, day after day, "Oh, me? No! I do not think about using substances that may cause me to lose my umpteen years of sobriety." I am not that girl! I am this girl. If it were not for the grace of God and the fear of another bunch of years of destroying my life looming before me you can bet your sweet bippy I would avail myself of those substances. Yes and Yes! But I won't, of course, act on the thought. I may share the thought with people who will not look at me as if I have lost all of my hard won sobriety even if I did not use a drug or a drink. Honestly, all I can think at this moment is, " A pox on your smugness!" And guess what! This is me without a single substance in me. No aspirin or puny little pain pill, NOTHING!

So, I'm just sayin', MY FREAKING KNEE HURTS!

It is unpopular today to express personal moments with such abandonment. Certainly not if it smells even a little bit like you belong on the right or the left. Well, guess freaking what again! My hurting, pain in my every day life knee is on the left side and the knee that is on the right side is feeling real good so draw your own conclusions.

Call this a vent! Call this a little, tiny bit of my insanity showing around the edges! I personally don't give an owl's hoot what you call it or me. Make my knee stop hurting and you will be my new best friend!