After my post yesterday I felt drained and more than a little vulnerable. I spent several hours last night going through mail I have avoided, assessing the damages and tossing out enough paper to construct a small tree. I love our paperless society.
As is frequently the case I found I was in less of a mess than my imagination had constructed and in enough of a mess to still call it a mess. I don't really like the word "mess". There are southern connotations that come to mind and give me the shivers. But, I digress, again!
Today has been a better day for having taken the bull by the horns after busting myself in front of, well, maybe not in front of that many people. One would be enough for my post to have been a confession. But today is easier and I am working on stomping out the thought that I am not that bad off so why pay any attention to it. I'm looney that way. It's like, "Oh, I'm not dead! Yay! Let's do it again." Typical of me to see a loophole in the mood I had last night and go for the easy escape only to sweat the consequences in the months to come.
But I took a step or two and I can see the handwriting on the wall. I may be totally nuts but I am not stupid. I can manage the chaos I have allowed to grow at this point. A little bit more of my reckless and self-destructive decisions and the cat will not be so easily put back into the bag. Keep me honest! The fact that I believe someone is reading my posts holds me to a challenge. I want to succeed in this endeavor and experience the self-respect and freedom. It is like catching a whiff of the ocean on the air while your heart leaps in your chest and craves the sand, the waves, the salt and the sun. Just a whiff excites the imagination. I want a whiff of self-respect won by moving forward towards freedom. I will say it again...no... I will shout it...FREEDOM!
I 'm tired. Wanna take a nap. Think I will....Ta! Ta!
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