Back In The Saddle Again

Yep! I am back in the saddle again. Ever the recovering alcoholic, meaning I am continually beset by the belief that, after 30 years of sobriety, I can attend zero meetings for long periods of time without consequence. Ever the recovering alcoholic I must admit, much to the despair of well meaning friends, that I am an alcoholic, not that I am a recovered alcoholic. Members of certain Christian groups view this as an affirmation that inherently denies the redeeming grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. I, on the other hand, believe it would be refreshing if, before the sermon in church, we went around the room and said this, "I am Elizabeth Baron and I am a sinner." You would, of course, replace the name with your own name. When dealing with religious forms of behavior detail is important. Once the identification with our commonality was affirmed we could relax and hear what the Bible has to say about the grace of God, redemption and the ways to live our lives on a daily basis without the tyranny of sin. But, I am already following that path with great success in my personal walk. I have not been doing the same with my alcoholism. I have not been attending the meetings where I identify myself with others who say they are alcoholics and have a desire to stop drinking. The pay off for skipping that fellowship with others like myself and listening to how they stay sober and listening to the literature that shows us the way to live sober one day at a time has been my regression into behavior patterns that are harmful to myself. I don't know why I am writing this and using extremely long run-on sentences. I meant to write stream of consciousness or perhaps pontificate on a random topic...keep it light for the night. Anyhow, the moment I began attending meetings again I felt relief. I confessed to a room full of people that I was out of control in an area of my life. I asked for someone to take me aside and give me a tough talking to and, wouldn't you know it, God had just the right woman in that room on that day. She brought it to me. Sweet. Southern. Tender. She had me on the ropes bringing me the truth, confronting me with my own words, loving me, praying with me and leaving me with a clarity of perspective that I desperately needed. So, heck, I don't know what I am actually trying to say in this post. God saw fit for me to find the rooms of AA. AA gave me the path that sent me back to God. When I plug in both God's will for my life and what I learn about myself in AA I am safe in the arms of Jesus and I am a sober, contributing member of society serving God. I am back in the saddle again.