UNTITLED

Melancholia permeates me tonight. Sadness hangs around me as if I were standing down the road in this picture. I am on the road less traveled. I have been on the busy thoroughfares of my psyche. I have been putting off this time and this moment by feeding my addiction to avoiding discomfort, to fear, to surrendering to the lies I told myelf and accepting them as truth. Today I took the exit from that busy, busy thoroughfare. I have arrived at the road less traveled. The road where I will face my fear, endure an intense discomfort and tell the truth that is the truth as I surrender myself to save myself. Tonight is the first night of denying myself the bittwersweet taste of denial. Tonight is the first step towards my freedom from my bondage to self. Tonight is the night I pass the future, the circumstances and the results to come in God's hands. Tonight is the night I let go. I do not want to die on the thoroughfare of lies. I do not want to harm others as I avoid facing the depth of my denial. I choose to be willing. I choose to accept the truth with love and respect for whomever I may have been holding in a prison of my fears while denying them the dignity of their own freedom to choose their path without interference from the deathly grip of my dysfunctions. The road less traveled reveals a bit of itself while cloaking itself in fog further on ahead. Despite the depth of my investment in minding someone else's life and despite the gripping discomfort I feel inside...despite that....I feel lighter, less burdened. My first step onto the road less travelled has been accomplished. I sense freedom up around the bend. I pray that I will meet those I love along this road. I pray we will share our stories with weary travelers. "I was once at the beginning too. Yes, I felt full of fear and hesitation. Yes, as I walked on my burdens lifted, my heart began to rejoice and I felt an intoxicating love for the God who brought me here. I am walking this road. You can too, my brother and my sister."