Random Stream

Random stream of consciousness


streetlamp light reflecting in the rain water pooled on the dark pavement. memories coming in pieces and snippets of shimmering, wet pavement in any number of towns and a couple of foreign countries.  rain water pouring to the earth. a 28 day deluge in Taipei, when the rain came straight down in foggy light grey sheets. when rain became ordinary and life went on as usual. finally surrendering to the pouring rain, giving myself over to the relentless water pouring from the sky, remember feeling a sense of loss when the weather cleared up. when I was a child we lived in Africa and I remember watching the rain come towards our house. It also hung as if it were a long, grey wall and it moved much faster than I believed it would move. I stood waiting and then ran ahead of the curtain of rain but it caught up with me before I reached home.


A different kind of rain story set in San Diego many years ago. With friends and getting high on mescaline. topsy-turvy evening. I wandered down to the sea wall and sat with my back to it, pulled my poncho up over my head and tried my best cover myself from the rain. a light rain falling...me asking folks as they walked by about the rain, wiping rain from my forehead, finally getting up to walk back to the house. rubbing my arms and face wondering how they dried so quickly. being told by others that it wasn't raining and had not been raining. took me a bunch of years to see myself hunched over with my back against the seawall, feeling the rain and asking others how they liked the rain. took me awhile to realize that I acted like a drug addict yet I felt so innocent of trying to act like a drug addict. thinking even years after about that night and having sorrow. wondering what was I thinking back in the day. who let me wander off without noticing. who knew I was gone. I dunno. there were many nights and days when no one was watching and no one asked.


Taiwan, oh the smells and sound of the orient! As time passed I did not notice them anymore. I notice them now, years later, when a smell or sound takes me back to Taiwan. I fill with nostalgia. I crave to return. Then I know that everyone I knew has gone and the city has changed dramatically and I crave to return to a time in my life rather than a place.


I feel as if I have been pulled through a keyhole. An intense storm has passed. I hear rumbling thunder and catch a glimpse of lightening in the distance. I am being metaphorical here...just so you know...Far be it from me to use metaphors that tie together smoothly. Why would the keyhole image relate at all to the intense storm? The point being that life has been intense ( just thought of tents and an insane campsite off of the Skyline Drive. Winds roaring up from the valley below blew down all of our tents. We scrambled to get ourselves and our belongings into the vehicle. The sunrise was the most magnificent I have ever seen. Multiple colors announced the rising of the sun. The sky filled with glorious hues of soft loveliness. It was as if the earth and the sky had made a deal. The wind would rush up the side of that mountain and over our campsite but just as we were leaving the sunrise would greet us with splendor.


I have many camping stories. If I remember I will write about a few of them. Everything seems to have been in another lifetime. Maybe that is a kind of reincarnation. As I age I know that my memories are real but they are so far removed from me that I have a sense of evolving from age to age. I experience the weird sensation of remembering one person while being another. Or maybe I am still not good at staying attached. I doubt if it matters at all. Soon enough I will be gone from here and will have little concern for how I use to be those many years ago. What an odd feeling!