Calming Down For Sleep

 Oddest statement today from the appointment staff member for the cardiologist I am going to see. I'm asking where they are located and she answers and tells me what to bring with me and reminds me that my appointment is at 12:30 then says, "Don't be here before 12:30!" I'm thinking well if that doesn't take the cake. All doctor's say be here early to fill out paperwork and bring a list of medications, etc. Nope! She said don't arrive early and bring my bottles of medicine - not a list. So, now I am thinking if I should stand in the hall and walk in at the dot of 12:30 or what? My fondest wish is that the cardiologist is as prompt and direct as his employees. Darn shortness of breath. I am seeing a pulmonologist who is from India or thereabouts who has not one moment for conversation not related to his question. Nope. Don't think out loud. He will cut off your ruminations with a curt, "So, is that the answer?" So I say, "Why yes! Yes, it is the answer." even if I don't have a clue because he has cut me off in mid thought. I simply don't remember my life in time segments neatly tucked away in my brain. I don't know how many times I had bronchitis last year. A bunch sounds like a good answer. I tried to tell him more often than not it was a combo of bronchitis and asthma or walking pneumonia but he says, " So are you telling me you had it about 12 times last year?" "Yes", I said, "Exactly twelve times now that you think of it." because it was he who thought of it. "What bronchiodilators work for you?" "None now, sir!" "Which ones", he asks barely glancing my way. "Well, I don't know their names but they have all stopped working for me." "There is a chart on the back of the door" he says with a dismissive air and the point of a finger. I go and look. I know that one of these worked for me two years ago and I try to tell him how that came about and that it was a long time ago. He either doesn't hear me or chooses to ignore me but he writes something in his chart. Probably dismissing me as the village idiot. My breathing had improved that day. I wanted to be gasping for air to prove the severity of my plight. I tried to tell him the shortness of breath has increased. But my body made a fool of me. Rather than the short breaths of air I had been taking for over two weeks I found that I could breathe rather well that day. There is no end to the amount of drama and uniqueness that has been robbed from me over the years by my body turning on me at the doctor's office. Tomorrow I go the cardiologist at exactly 12:30. Don't arrive before 12:30. My personality type is not aligned with obeying direct orders. Even a simple "We would prefer..." would get better results from this woman. Tomorrow I am going to only speak when spoken to and I am going to have a timeline made up to satisfy the, "When was the last time you...?" questions. I am 61 years old. I have lost track of time. I live by events and tend to forget the passing of time or the future time to pass, for that matter. Maybe psychedelics did a tap dance on my brain. Maybe stress erases datelines. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention. Why don't they get my records from my doctor and count for themselves? Can't say that this post has calmed me down for bed but it has lightened my load. I hope I can understand the calls from foreign lands at 3:30 a.m. tomorrow. What kind of a job asks you to transcribe recorded information such as name and name of company when most of the callers speak primarily Mandarin Chinese. I cannot understand the recorded information. When I ask how I am to transcribe this information I am told to do my best. You see, we might have been a little off the beaten path back in my ealier days but I think there has been a residual effect appearing in our cultue today. Do the best I can dechipering the voice of a gentleman from China providing his information in Mandarin. Groovy. Got it! No prob, girlfriend. I promise not to be there before 12:30.