In Virginia

Drove to Virginia today to attend the services for the passing of my dear friend. Not a bad trip, heavy traffic but somehow I was oblivious to it. I stopped at the mall in Raleigh to buy my grandchildren a cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. I live in a relatively small town and I am 8 miles from the beach. Life in the area is laid back. We live on a seasonal economy. Casual is a way of life. When I step into a mall in a large city I immediately think how I need to buy some clothes. I need to wear something of higher quality. I am overwhelmed by the abundance of "stuff" available, the sheer magnitude of the environment. Consumerism on that level takes away my breath. The Cheesecake Factory resembles a palace of sorts, many people are waiting for tables, buying cheesecakes to go, music is loud. I feel like the jester in King Arthur's court or a fish out of water. My mind focuses on the task at hand and I leave the mall before I experience a craving to buy a hundred dollar bottle of perfume or a piece of jewelry that I will never wear but appears in a magical light in the store. I step outside of the mall, take a breath and all the intensity fades away. The allure melts away from my mind like ice cream melting on a hot summer day. My senses relax, my ego balances itself and I feel grateful for where I live. I feel grateful for the humbleness of my home and satisfaction with what I have in my life. Every once in awhile I believe I am missing out on something by living far from a cultured environment. I think how I have absorbed the nature of rural coastal living. I understand that the woman I am today is satisfied in her life. I realize I am at peace with myself. I love to travel and see different places and peoples. I don't often have the opportunity these days. I rode 400 miles on a Greyhound bus recently. I was comfortable in that environment. I felt at home with the people, the bus stations and the experience. Probably I have the heart of a wanderer and the contentment of a life I enjoy. I am not comfortable with the obsession to have all the things I see in malls. I get the compulsion. I was happy to move on today.

It is late. Tomorrow we have the service for my friend Ron Goodwin. I feel sad. I'm going to bed.