Random

I went downeast to visit my husband yesterday. The rains have passed. The ride to the center was intoxicating. There are a number of times when the highway has water and tall marsh grasses on both sides. I know the rain caused damages and I know it was too much for us but it seemed the sky, the water, the foliage in and around the water had been washed and polished to their finest glory. The earth, the sky, the clouds in the sky, the waters out in the bay...all of them were exquisite. The thought came to me that, for nature, the rains and the wind were a natural and important part of a cycle that we call danger but the earth calls life. I don't mean to wax poetic. You had to be there and maybe have the sensitivity to the scenery. A book I read several times when I was young called, "The Yearling" came to mind. There is an angst that pulls at me in times like that drive. I feel a pain deep inside, a yearning, a joy, a love for the Creator.
Random, I sat in a court room today with my son and his wife. Eviction court. They were being evicted for the second time, second place. I listened to other cases before their names were called. The words, "lost my job", "my husband left me and the children and took everything", I make $9.25 an hour, "Please do not hold my grandmother responsible for our indebtedness" were all too real. Too much like real life, good people, in these cases, and hard times. The judge was fair. Most of the issues are black and white. He did find a way to protect the grandmother. I could have kissed him right then and there. People can talk about tough love until they are blue in the face. I understand the concept but my heart doesn't buy into it. I cannot stop my son and his wife or change them. I know that. But my heart is heavy, my concern is high and sorrow lies like a weighted cloak on my shoulders. They don't feel it. They are "victims". They turn on each other and they blame all of us for their misfortune. I have prayed and prayed and prayed and I will continue to pray. As a friend of mine says, "God knows a detail I do not know."
Well, I have been a somber woman for a while now. The willingness to be uncomfortable in order to stay away from a drink or a drug is an automatic response to tough life situations that I do not know how to handle. I ask God for help and wisdom and He grants these according to His will for my life. Yet I am human. The will to surrender my will belongs solely with me. It is a tough pill to swallow at times. Yet I do not wish to break fellowship with my Father.
I am going to bed. My red cat sleeps with me. He loves the privilege and I loved his closeness. Time to crank up the cpap machine, pull the mask over my head and zone out. Night! Night!