First, and important in light of how I have been feeling mentally and physically, I have something like strep throat and I am anemic. Not good news yet both of these diagnoses explain my lack of energy, struggles with negative thinking and general malaise. I have not returned to record gratitude items and prefer silence on any good deed so I have a bit of making up to do on my gratitude list.
Tuesday was a bear of a day. I was exhausted and I was on the go all day with one thing or the other. I did not know I was sick so I attributed everything going on with me as a failure on my part. I simply was not good enough. I was a loser. All the self talk that happens when I do not feel well screamed at me. Still I have a gratitude in the same genre of my gratitude for hot and cold running water. I am a million times grateful for electricity. I am not as passionate about electricity as I am about water yet electricity provides the opportunity to have my beloved hot and cold running water. I love that electricity provides the energy for air conditioning. Honestly, how decadent can life get We are provided a means to drive the energy that runs air conditioning, lights, appliances...well...the list is endless. A visiting Bishop of the Anglican Church of Rwanda told me, when I asked how he liked America, that he did not like it so much because everything was done for us. Doors open when we walk towards them, stairs take us from one floor to the next without us taking a step, elevators transport us up and down. It would seem that our luxuries are beyond the scope of someone who lives a life where our luxuries are their rarities. And, yes, I believe I am spoiled rotten by light switches, lamps, fans, refrigeration and a million other things that I do not even know happen because of the availability of electricity. Again, totally in awe of the resource of electricity.
Wednesday? I must say the availability of medical care and the good fortune of having medical insurance is my gratitude for Wednesday. My husband was seen by an urologist. As I sat listening to the doctor and his description of how the bladder and the prostate interact then prescribing medication that he hopes will improve my husband's problem I had a wave of gratitude for medical care. Of late we have had to rely on the medical community for wise guidance and, with a few bumps along the way, we have been given wise guidance. I mean, talk about modern medical technology. The nurse was able to take a picture of my husband's bladder and the implement she used measured the amount of fluid in his bladder and graphed it onto a computer screen for the doctor to see. Is that space age or what? So, I have complained about a couple of doctors lately but by far I am so grateful for the medical community and their dedication to their careers.
Thursday...grateful that God is with me. Grateful that God loves me. Grateful that God graces me with too many blessings to count. These can all be gathered up into my grateful heart for my relationship with Jesus Christ and for His presence in all the details of my life.
Good deeds? Little ones. I don't need to do big ones because my ego will grab that and run with it.
My body feels the crud. I need to rest and take care of myself. My mind wants to stay awake and up and not miss a moment of the night. I am making progress in going to bed earlier. It is a surrendering of my will AGAIN! Gosh darn it! I don't do surrendering so well!
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